Ok the response from the pet peeve blog was awesome, so let’s keep it going. Now let us discuss our most embarassing moments. Now I am not talking about those sort of embarassing moments…no I mean those times that quite possibly alter your life. By all means let me go first!
It was my sophomore year in high school and I had just gotten my driver’s license. I was sporting a 1984 UPS brown ford escort. Needless to say…I was awesome! Well there was this girl I wanted to ask out on a date, and I finally got the nerve to do it. She said yes! Everything was going according to plan. I was not very creative so all we did was go to dinner and a movie. Dinner went fine but during the movie, things started to fall apart.
For some reason, there is this universal law that says all boys will get upset stomachs during very important dates. Man about halfway through the movie, my stomach started churning. It was so bad that I cannot even recall what movie we saw, but I do remember it feeling like 4 hours long! I got up to go the bathroom only to find out that, halfway through the late show they close the whole theater down. NO BATHROOM! Seriously, who closes the bathroom down before the movie is over? Concession stand sure, but the bathroom too?!? Welcome to Greenville,Texas. So I had to muscle through ’til the end of the movie. All I needed to do was release a little pressure if you know what I mean. Thank the Lord the movie finally ends, and they have the velvet rope that corrals us out to the parking lot.
Now’s my chance! I will simply be the gentleman and walk behind her and gradually let off a little “steam” but I can’t!!! There are too many people around, they will for sure know it was me. But being the genius that I was, I had an even better plan. I will be the ultimate gentleman and open the car door for her and take my time walking around the car doing my business. Perfect! So I let her in the car with a smile, closed the door and it was on like donkey kong!
I had so much gas I never thought it would stop! I closed her door, bent over to brush my slacks while letting it rip, kicked the tires while letting it rip, walked around to the back of the car while letting it rip, pretended to wave at friends while letting it rip and finally got to my side of the car…while letting it rip of course. Now friends and neighbors, please understand that Greenville was a place where we did not concern ourselves with locking our car doors or even rolling up our car windows. Surely you know where I am going with this.
I got in the car with a huge grin and the feeling of accomplishment only to find my date frozen in awe with her window down. DID SHE HEAR EVERYTHING?!? Not only did she hear it, but she got a front row seat.
Remember when I bent over to brush my slacks while letting it rip? That was right at her window with my back to her. It could have burned off those late ’80’s high bangs she was sporting. I did not know what to do! Was I supposed to pretend it didn’t happen? Was I supposed to saying something? Well she wasn’t saying anything, but I had to know if the window was down the whole time. So I softly asked, “Was that…” only to be interupted with a resounding, “Oh yeah it was down.” I drove her home in deafening silence. Needless to say there was not a second date…probably best. Lord knows what body functions would have shut down then.
Ok there ya go! I hope I did not cross a line with my…uh…gas. But hey I am only human. So let me here your worst moments, so I don’t feel alone like I am right now. Good luck, and God speed.
bart
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