Bart’s Crowded Airplane Rant

Hello friends and slobbers. It has been a while since I have posted one of these, which I suppose is a good thing because that means I have not been on any planes lately. Well, I am flying home after a 10 day run, so needless to say, I cannot wait to land. It has been an amazing 10 days, but Daddy needs to get home! 

OK, so here is my rant…the first come, first serve seating on a certain airline. Now some people may enjoy the “jockeying” that takes place on these type of flights, but I hate it! If I am gonna pay the astronomical price to fly, I would at least like to have an assigned seat. Maybe it is just me, but when you are my size, you do not want to be stuck in the dreaded middle seat. Or even better, when you get a good seat and the one next to you is open. What a great feeling! You seriously feel like you got away with something. All of a sudden your worst fears come true as that last guy comes stumbling onto the plane right before they close the doors. As he slowly makes his way through the plane looking for an open seat, your prayer life kicks into high gear. “Please God not next to me. I will do anything. Go to Africa as a missionary…anything.” Then to add insult to injury, as soon as he realizes the only seat is next to me, he rolls his eyes as if – am putting him out! Does he not know I am the victim here? Man I am getting all fired up just thinking about it! 

Well I feel like it is my duty to share with you ways to avoid this ever happening to you. There are several ways to pursuade the late passenger to avoid the open seat beside you. Here are just a few. 

A couple of things to remember…I am normally traveling with the rest of the band, and we will usually take the window and aisle seats, so we are able to tag team whoever may consider sitting between us. Advantage: MercyMe. 

One simple trick is to simply place your carry on in the middle seat as if that person may be in the restroom or something. This may work, but the flight attendant usually shuts that one down pretty quickly. 

Another good one is when both of us will lift the armrests and spread out as much as possible and pretend we are asleep. This gives the late passenger about a 4 inch opening to try and squeeze in their seat. This works about 85% of the time which is not too shabby.

My personal favorite, and Jim Bryson is the best at this, is to really mess your hair up and stare at the passengers boarding the plane just a little cross-eyed without blinking. This always works because there is a universal law that nobody ever wants to sit next to crazy! 

Ok so there you have it. I hope this little rant proves helpful on your next flight. God Bless You and God Bless America.

-bart

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