Bart’s Crowded Airplane Rant

Hello fellow SLOBs!

Well I am sitting in the dreaded middle seat on a crowded flight, and decided to say hello and get some stuff off my chest. In fact, I am starting a new series called “Bart’s Crowded Airplane Rant.” This is where, by “slobbing” on my iPhone, I will prevent myself from going absolutely nuts on the plane while the lady next to me falls asleep with her elbow jabbed in my ribs. All I am saying is I had the armrest first! So here we go with the first installment of “Bart’s Crowded Airplane Rant.” Enjoy. Oh Lord she just woke up coughing up a lung. I think I am gonna faint.

Cheesy church signs! Why do we do this? Everywhere I go, I see the small church marquee with something corny like “God checks His Knee-mail.” Are you kidding me? Knee-mail? Or how about “CH–CH. What’s missing? UR.” Come on churches, you’re killing me!

Do we sincerely believe that some guy, who does not know Christ, is gonna drive by and see a sign that says,” Get right or get left” and think to himself,” Wow, not only is it a witty play on words, but I think I need to go in and get things settled!” Probably not. In fact, most people will think it is a joke like most of the actual church does. Maybe that church sign is meant be used to inform people what time church starts, or to support the local high school team through the playoffs, but please, no more corny phrases…actually I take that back. Do I really wanna live in a word without these ridiculous phrases? Nope. I guess deep down I kind of enjoy these church signs being comic relief for the community. Besides, how else would I realize that summertime is hot, but hell is hotter. So nevermind.

Please, please by all means leave a comment with your best church sign gem.

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  • todd

    The weirdest church sign I ever saw…my hometown of Lufkin, Texas.


    And yes, they used dollar signs.

  • Lisa

    Even though the flight is crowded, enjoy wherever it is you’re going. Maybe you can get some ice creem when you get there:-)

  • Felicia Huff

    Here’s a couple that I remember…

    “Ever seen a U-haul behind a hearse?”

    “Sign Broken. Come inside for message.”

    “The Devil believes in Jesus. Is he in Heaven?”

    There’s ton I’ve seen, but can’t remember them all.

    Have a safe flight. 🙂

  • Z

    I saw this sign just yesterday:

  • Dadooz

    Here’s one that always brings ’em in:

    MercyMe Here Tonight


  • Daniel Crowe

    haha..nice one dadooz.

    here’s one: SOMEBODY CALL 911! THIS CHURCH IS ON FIRE!!!

  • Lacey

    You know you are in so much trouble if I think you are talking about a certain airline!!! Just a warning! 🙂

  • Christie

    Oh Bart, you’d love this blog!:

    I’ve never submitted any signs, but we have tons around here that are just nuts.

  • kristina

    I’ve seen this one recently:

    “Shock your Mom. Go to church.”

    And I can’t forget this one, “Who’s your Daddy?” Oh my.

  • Brenda

    Here’s a few I’ve seen …on our church before we started attending…. “Under the same Management for over 2000 years” or …. “need directions come on in” we’ve been attending ever since !!! p.s. I’m going to request to our praise team they sing something by MM …..can I do that?? ( seriously ) (sp?)

  • Sandi

    hey Brenda! Our college/post college group sang “Word of God Speak” last week. It was awesome!

  • MomS

    My fav – Jesus is Coming – Look Busy

  • Jay Sellers

    Sinners welcome.

    1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

  • Donna

    hubby saw this one several years ago
    “friends are God’s life preservers”

    i agree – put what is happening not some goofy saying.

  • Daniel Martin

    Bart…you know I’ll “win” this one:

    “God doesn’t want weekend visitation, He wants full custody.”


  • Chris

    No lie.

    Driving through Tulsa back to Columbia, MO, and saw a sign on the highway:

    Wednesday Night Meal: 5:30
    Bible Study: 6:30
    Rapture Practice: 8:00

    What the heck is rapture practice? Everyone takes off their clothes and jumps up in the air

  • Heidi

    Fortunately this wasn’t at my church.

    Having trouble sleeping? Our pastor’s sermons are now on CD.

  • Corinne

    Last summer I saw a church sign that said, “This sign is on vacation, come in side for message.” I thought that was rather clever, but I know what you mean about these “clever” church signs.

  • Brenda

    well i’ve requested MM for our Praise team to sing….we’ll see what happens.

  • Tim

    I think that, while there is nothing wrong with those little sayings by themselves, using them as a way to get people into our churches is wrong. Some of the stuff I’ve seen churches put on their signs are almost blasphemous, all in an effort to reel-’em-in. If people come to church to be entertained, then they’ve missed the point. Church can be fun, but, when the gospel takes a backseat so that the church can be fun, church becomes a social club. That goes not only for witty sayings, but for anything that takes a priority over the gospel.

  • Jessica

    Here are a few that may have been missed:

    “Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or Non-Smoking?”
    “Aspire to inspire before you expire!”
    “Life is hard – don’t make after-life harder”
    “Try Jesus- if you don’t like Him, the devil will take you back”
    “Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings”
    “You are not too bad to come in. And not too good to stay out”
    “Come inside for faith lift”
    “Try our Sundays – they are better than Baskin Robbins”
    “It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark”
    “The best vitamin for a Christian – B1”

    Now, I can appreciate the wit behind some of them, but I can certainly understand where they would make us, as Christians, look lame. I’m all for putting a great quote or scripture passage out front to get people thinking or even searching on their own! Just a thought…

  • Kelly

    “Seven days without prayer makes one weak.”
    “Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.”

    I actually like this one just because I can’t stand those “Honk if you love _____” things…

    “Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!”

  • candicane

    GET R DUN. On a church sign. I am serious.

  • Maggie S

    Just saw this one tonight while driving home, can’t believe this is the blog I just read… the sign said “Prayer can give you a CALMPLEX”
    What the heck does that even mean?

  • josh

    my church has used…

    “Our church is prayer conditioned”
    “Yabba Dabba Do, God Loves you”
    “The best position is on your knees” (Which got taken down real quick when the senior pastor was told what the kids took it to mean)

    I know there are more terrible ones, but I can not think of anymore right now

  • Rebecca T :-)

    the rapture practice one made me laugh so hard i cried.
    …no wonder people think Christians are crazy!

  • Jess

    Now, there is one that I actually like that I had passed every week for like 6 months.

    “Keep your faith
    … but not to yourself”

    That one is more sweet than lame, to me.

  • Beccah

    “Walmart is not the only saving place” 🙂

    HaHa… Or how about…

    “God expects spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.”

  • Scott

    Did you know that you can make you’re own church signs?

    This isn’t spam or anything, but a fun site that a friend of mine runs.

    Best one I can remember seeing though said:

    Forget Batman!
    Come Meet a REAL

  • Kaleb Trail

    Here is a nice summer one. lol.

    “Exposure to the Son may prevent burning”

  • Family Jules

    Saw this :
    Staying in Bed
    Shouting OH GOD!
    Does not constitute
    going to church.

    No kidding!

  • Heidi Reed


  • becca

    Oh my gosh! The best position is on your knees? Shouting Oh God in bed? Who are these people? Although, I would have loved to see those in person!!!

    Today is a gift from God. That is why it’s called the present.

  • Ken E.

    I saw this one in Jasper, FL. “What you don’t know will send you straight to HELL!”

    Hey Bart, can you tell me what scripture Mercyme had in mind when you wrote “Spoken For”? I want to use that song as the title and message of my first sermon.

    Thanks, Ken Edmunds/Cedar Key, FL

  • Buggy G

    I’m jumping on the church sign bandwagon a little late here, but I just saw one yesterday in Jeffersonville, Indiana… “Smallness never made a mosquito ineffective.”

  • Ben

    Here’s a couple:

    “Free coffee, everlasting life, yes membership has it’s benefits.”

    “Don’t be so open minded, your brains fall out.”

    “Some questions can’t be answered by google”

    “God doesn’t believe in athiests, therefore, athiests don’t exist.”

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